My Psalm of Praise

For my Biblical Interpretation class we were assigned to write our own psalm. My professor said that we were to use some kind of theme (praise, lament, thanksgiving, etc.) for our specific psalm and then explain what the meaning was behind our psalm.

Luckily, I had just come back from the Impact Retreat where God did some amazing things in my personal walk with Him. I used what He showed me there to write this:

God I am in awe of your ways!

Your truth makes me want to shine like the morning sun

That spreads light across the earth.

Lord, your love is not conditional like the love of the world.

Instead it is endless like the number of stars in the sky.

You never give up on me

Even when I try to take control.

Your forgiveness is forever

And your will is perfect.

All glory, honor, and praise be to you, My Father!

I want to share what God was showing me while on the retreat. I know I am obviously so far away from perfect, but I hope that maybe through sharing this it will be a witness to someone.

On Saturday of our retreat, we were told to go somewhere on the camp grounds for an hour. We were to take this time and spend it in God's word and in prayer and just hanging out with Him. Looking back on it now, I honestly did not think that anything super substantial was going to happen besides reading a cool passage and applying it to now. I was so wrong. Doesn't it make sense though that God would use that time to do something so amazing because I wasn't expecting it? I think God likes surprising us.

Anyway, I decided to spend my time with Jesus on the playground (I wanted to get that sense of child-like faith back). As I was spending time with Him, He told me that I needed to make a decision about what I wanted most in my life. He knew that something was on the list before Him. It's not that I didn't want Him to be first, but I had an earthly desire that I wanted. The thing I wanted more than anything in my life was a family. I wanted to be married and have a bunch of kids and be the best wife and mom ever. In my head, I struggled for so long when it came to being ready for heaven. I would always try to bargain with God (which doesn't work by the way). I would tell Him something like, "God, I'm ready for heaven, but just let me have my family first." Or I would say, "God, You can come back whenever You want, but just not before I have my family." Now I obviously know that just because I prayed that didn't mean that God was going to listen to me, but I guess I felt like if I believed it enough it would happen.
Back to the playground. God called me out. He told me that I was holding this higher than Him. That's when I did one of the hardest things in my life. I gave it up. It was more than just saying it. As tears ran down my face, I told God that I loved Him more. I gave up having a husband. I told Him I wanted Him more. Thinking of how it would feel to be pregnant, I put my hand on my stomach and said, "God, I give up my babies for you." I said this out loud, barely able to get the words out because of my crying. (I may have looked dumb, but I didn't care. This was a huge moment).
I decided to be all in. I am all in. Nothing is holding me back. There is nothing I want more in life than Jesus. No earthly desire can compare to Him. It has taken me a long time to get to this place. I know that I can never stop growing, but I have gotten to the place where I have no earthly desire or experience holding me back.
After this giant step forward for me, God wasn't done. I asked Him what this meant. What was the next step? I laugh thinking about this (God makes me laugh all the time because He's hilarious), but God then told me that He wasn't going to tell me what's next. He wasn't going to reveal His next step because I would try to take it into my own hands and then end up screwing it up.
Yup. So that's where I am right now. I challenge you to think about the earthly desires in your life that may be holding you back from being all in. I also encourage you then to write a psalm. If you read the psalms there are many different kinds - lament (like a prayer), praise, thanks, anger, sadness, confusion, etc. This psalm that I had to write helped me put my experience into something that I could give back to God and then share with other people. I am in awe of God!!!